Her vagina should come with caution tape.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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