Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
