It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
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