i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
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Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
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just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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