he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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