its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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