can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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