I'm jealous of your bromance
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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