my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Randomize
