Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
