You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
operation harelip BJ is a go
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
