I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
