The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
