'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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