And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Randomize
