someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
