There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
