Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
