OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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