Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
