the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
