But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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