Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
