I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
