I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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