she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Randomize
