It's like God shit irony all over that family
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
