This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
