the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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