ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
