break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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