it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
