Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
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