he puts the penis in happiness.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
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