By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
