All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
