My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Randomize
