Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
