I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
