You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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