i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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