did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
