I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
