i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
the room spins SO much faster in panama
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
