I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
