Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
