Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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