someone threw a dead crab at me
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i wish my penis had a tongue
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
