How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
