THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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