what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Life is so much better after having sex.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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