Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
