i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Randomize
