guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
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