there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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