Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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