I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
High School Students Hilariously Rank Celebrities By Their Stank For Class Project
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
15 Things You Truly Understand If You Sleep Next To Someone Who Snores Like A Rhinoceros Every Night
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call