if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame