I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
