She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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