My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
3pm strippers are depressing
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
