WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
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I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
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Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.