3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.