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How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
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