I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
