just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
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He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
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when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
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