we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..