so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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