I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize