he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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