dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
