I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
