Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
