she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
