I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
