I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
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whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
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Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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