I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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