I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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